greggillis

Category: Journal

  • Journal – 7/04/16: Decisions, Dedication and Dummies

    Firework_IconHappy 4th of July Y’all! Clearly I’ve been less than dedicated to this journal, always a clear indication that I’ve been drifting, or more to the point that I didn’t want to admit my drifting. I’ll always be honest with you here, which from time to time means fessing up to less than stellar behavior. Of course, the huge gaps in my journal entries point to the bad habit of not wanting to admit what a slacker I’ve been. I’ve lamented in the past that I’d prefer to be a heroin addict or alcoholic, to simply being lazy if for no other reason than it would make me seem more tortured (and would be a neat explanation for these fallow phases that recur in my life). (more…)

  • The Creative Ember – Death, Prince and Me

    02_PrinceWhen Prince died I was writing an IT proposal to get a Federal contract. If you’d have told me that either of those things (Prince dying at 57, me leaving commercial art for filthy lucre) when “Purple Rain” came out – I would have punched you. Making accommodations to self-sufficiency were still years off, and I had years of struggle and failure ahead of me, I lived in a bubble of artistic delusion. I’m writing today to say, I wasn’t all wrong. (more…)

  • Journal: Meditation on the Season

    Me_SantaHatThat I’m my own worst enemy is long established truth, but I’m also a pretty good ally when I put my mind to it. I’ve been in a low-level funk for a few months now, and it’s high time I earn my way out of it – and the traditional sentiments of the holiday season hold some good lessons for making that happen. (more…)

  • Halloween: Disturbing Movies

    M_SkullIconGood God how I love Halloween. Beyond wonderful childhood memories of costumes and candy, it heralds the Fall and in a small way acknowledges the darkness that lies inside us all. Sure, for most it’s just an excuse to debauch and dress like a slutty nurse, but at a deeper level it reminds us that locks on doors are good things. (more…)

  • Out of the Past: My Evening with Ed

    PrettyWomanMy evening with Ed is a true story, the mists of time have obscured some details, but the core is seared into memory. There are certain touchstones from my youth, usually involving the curtain being pulled back on the darker corners of human nature, that served as the cautionary tales I used to shape who I wanted to be. And my evening with Ed was one of the most powerful. (more…)

  • Memento Mori

    skull_IconRemember that you must die (memento mori). Not the cheeriest of thoughts, but possibly the most important if we’re to have a shot at a happy life.

    It’s October in VA, the trees are still mostly full green – just some hints of the rich colors that accompany their annual decay. It also reminds me that I’ve been living like I’ll never die, or to put it more bluntly, I’ve been wasting time. (more…)

  • Quiet Desperation (Black Mass)

    Bulger_IconThere’s no fool like an old fool. I’m starting to think about the U.S. this way, like we’ve passed through adulthood, and are sliding into senility characterized by regression to childish behavior – still in the early stages though. How much of this feeling is based on the broader insights the internet gives us into previously dark corners of the country is tough to say, but we don’t seem to be cleaving to our higher angels. (more…)

  • Journal – 09/19/15: Traps, Self-Help and Stars

    Head_Icon_newWhen hearing advice, do you ever reflexively think “I know that”, then immediately dismiss it? I do, it’s one of the many dumb things I tend to do. The past couple of weeks have been a perfect example of “physician heal thyself” for me, and it’s time to put the kibosh on it! (more…)

  • Noodling: Inevitable Hate

    Stalin_IconI’m biased toward critical thinking, I enjoy listening to others use it, and use it myself when I’m not being stupid. Its opposite number, dogma, posits that certainty is preferable to thinking. The former elevates the individual, the latter co-opts the individual. If you value yourself as an individual, it’s harder to devalue others as a group – but if you value yourself BECAUSE you’re in a group, it’s a hell of a lot easier to devalue another group. All of which got me thinking about whether hate is inevitable, or something we (humans) can grow out of. (more…)

  • Journal – 09/05/15: Changes, Mind Games & Plans

    Me_Icon“Try to look at your weakness and convert it into your strength. That’s success.” – Zig Ziglar

    Just wanted to catch up with ya’ll after running silent for a while. On Monday I began a sabbatical, intended to allow me to finish my second novel and sell the first (oh, and to get my drawing skills back…that’s a work in progress). To my shame, this first week wasn’t stellar from a performance standpoint, but if I turn things around today I’m willing to chalk it up to poor planning (or passive-aggressive resistance to self-discipline, over the years I’ve elevated laziness to an art form). (more…)